Rock bottom

Tangy says...

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can climb back up. I had been doing so well, being the good girl in life and well, life game me some lemons. 2010 has been a year full of transitions. The biggest of which, transitioning from Army wife in civlian world to cilvian wife in civlian world. After living in this world, I think I prefer living in my Army wife bubble. It was a happier time. I think we (the hubs and I) got to see each other more then, even with deployments, than we do now. The little we do see of each other now consists of "my day was worse" stories and morning breath. Not exactly where I thought we'd be after five years of marriage.

Besides the career transitions I've had this year, I've been going through a lifestyle one: going from fat to fit. I was doing so well with my clean, healthy eating and losing pounds and inches and seeing numbers on the scale I hadn't seen since way, way before children and then this current stress in my life happened (I won't get into detail here) and all of my hard work came to a stand-still. Worse, when I stepped on the scale this morning I realized I had gained 10 lbs in the last three months when I should have been losing it. It was the last straw. I spent the morning a teary mess, consoling myself with the last of the chocolate cake I had baked the last time I was in one of my lows. It wasn't until I heard some kind words from one of my workout buddies that I decided that I could do this. If losing weight was easy, it wouldn't be a multi-million (or billion?) dollar industry with endless "gurus" trying to sell us their brand of weight-loss. I have motivation. I have determination. I have willpower. Well, I do somewhere. I will not let myself go and spend this time moping around the house feeling sorry for myself!! I will not be a fat frumpy housewife!! So here I am, venting my frustrations instead of heading to the fridge. I cleaned my house this afternoon and spent time outside with the kids so I could free up time tonight for my workout--something I've been avoiding.

I am a self-sabotager, afraid of not succeeding. All-or-nothing kind of girl. So I am stepping up and giving it my all. I will not let myself down one more time. Like Shania says, "up, up, up, there's nowhere but up from here."