5 Years of Fat, Flab, Food, Fitness, and Fabulousness!

This was us 5 years ago, today. September 3, 2005. We were such youngin's then! And gosh, were we FAT! You know that saying about how an old married couple starts to look alike after so many years?! Well, we started that early. See, we weren't fat when we first got together in 2003. We were both high school athletes; me in track and cross country, and Pete in football. Then we started dating. Many trips out to eat, ice cream at Dairy Queen, family functions full of food--you get the picture. We both slowly started gaining weight. Oh to have the metabolism of an 18 year old again! Then in 2004 we moved in together. We worked different shifts; me working 6-2pm and him working 9-5pm. I had to leave the house by 5am every day to get to work an hour away and I sure never cared about the nutrient of anything that I ate. It was all about cheap, convenience, and availability. If it was there, I'd eat it! And so would Pete. Suddenly, I went from 160 lbs when we first started dating, to 210 lbs! I wish I had that picture on my computer of when we were both at our heaviest. Pete was up to 240 from 175. And we had ZERO excuses. We could have bought healthy foods. We could have spent our time together doing something physical, like going for walks or runs or hitting the gym together. But we didn't. We used the excuse that we didn't have any time. HA! I'd kill to have all that time now!

I cut back on the food and started walking and I lost about 20 lbs before our wedding. I was right around 180 when I got married and I thought I was looking pretty good, considering I had hit the 200 mark! Pete left for basic training less than 3 weeks after our wedding. He came back much, much, thinner but I had not lost any more weight.

Right after Pete left from his Christmas break from AIT, I found out I was pregnant! I had just started working out regularly and I was able to run an 8 minute mile again--big accomplishment for a fat girl! I enjoyed my pregnancy from a food point of view! I didn't try to eat particularly healthy or unhealthy but I did just enjoy to eat! I got up to 227 lbs! We took this picture a couple days after I had Peter. I was DEVASTATED to see myself like this.

It doesn't quite become real til you see yourself in a picture!

A short 5 weeks after this picture was taken, Pete left for his first deployment to Iraq. He was gone for 15 months. I was an overwhelmed 22 year old with a 6 week old baby living in Texas when everyone I knew lived in Illinois! It was easy to feel depressed about my weight and that my husband was gone, but I really pulled it together and decided that I was SICK of feeling fat! I started taking Peter for daily hour-long walks in his stroller, sometimes twice-daily. I started doing Tae-Bo and following the South Beach diet. I joined Gold's Gym and really enjoyed taking group classes for the first time and just getting a little time to myself again since I really did NOT have any help with my son! I got down to 170 by the time Pete came home in January 2008.

This, of course, was short-lived! He had just spent over a year in Iraq, living on crappy Army food, and I had missed making big family meals and just cooking in general! We went out to eat, we ate, we didn't keep moving. I quickly gained 10 lbs. Then I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. I went crazy again with my eating. I worked at a place where people brought food in almost daily and I lived within a 5 mile radius of any fast food joint you could imagine. I think I stopped at Sonic at least 3x a week!



I ballooned back up to the 220's with baby #2. I didn't feel happy and pregnant, just miserable and fat! People didn't know--my own coworkers didn't know--that I was pregnant and not just gaining more weight!!

Riley came on December 29, 2008 and I knew it was the start of a new life for me! No more pregnancies, no more excuses! Time to crack down! Pete left for his second deployment when Riley was 6 weeks old, the same age Peter was when he left for the first one. I was determined to have Pete come home to a brand-new me, one who was NOT heavy! Once again, we both lost weight while apart! Pete had lost a lot of body fat and then packed on another 20-30 lbs in muscle. I got down to 165--the lowest I had been since high school! From following the Abs diet, doing Jari Love dvds, walking and running with the kids in my new double stroller, and starting p90x. This time I was going to make sure I didn't gain any of that weight back just

because Pete was home!! I lost about another 8 lbs! I had never felt so good or confident about myself!!

Now I am proud to say I am in the best shape of my life. I have gotten back up to 165 but I am stronger and faster and better at all areas of my personal fitness than I've ever been! I am hoping to complete several fitness milestones in the next five years, and be able to ring in my 10th anniversary with my hard-earned dream body!

Don't quit your dayjob!

Not to toot my own horn, but I know my way around the kitchen. I can make some pretty delicious dishes, both clean and VERY un-clean. I've enjoyed cooking ever since I've gotten out on my own, and I get all geeky goofy excited when I discover a new kitchen gadget that can somehow make my culinary life easier!

Over the past couple of months, I have been going on a clean cooking and baking spree! I have been loving trying out new recipes and making up my own! Off the top of my head, some of the things I have made- blueberry-corn muffins, banana bread, fruit-filled muffins, pancakes, peanut-tahini pasta, fajitas, baby bella/potato omlettes, tomato-basil soup, cornbread, danish meatballs, and apple crisp. I know there are many more but you get the picture!

There's only one problem. I have been the only one who has liked everything!! My 20 month old daughter is my harshest critic! If she likes something, I'll hear "mmm mmm mmm" sounds coming from her highchair and she'll have this big grin plastered on her face while she's eating. If she doesn't like something? Oh, she'll get MAD! She'll just toss the food off her tray and scream, "YUCKY! EWWW!" I have been getting a lot of the ladder lately! It's been a bit of an ego kill!

Take this. This is my clean-eating danish meatballs over brown rice. We aren't normally rice eaters here, mostly because my only exposure to rice thus far has been broccoli au gratin Rice a Roni, fried rice from Panda Express, and Mexican rice served along side a heaping pile of greasy refried beans at one of the zillion Mexican restaurants we tried while living in Texas. The rice had a surprisingly good flavor, the turkey meatballs were delish, and the white dill sauce was unlike anything I've ever tried before! It was so good! And healthy! But of course, my little princess had her plate thrown on the floor before I had even served the other kids. Tell me how you really feel, Riley! Sheesh! I'm sure the dog enjoyed it!

Another obsession of mine lately has been sweet potato fries.

I feel like they are my gift from God!! A veggie-haters dream! I am not much of a fan of baked sweet potatoes or that nasty Thanksgiving dish with the big chunks of canned potatoes covered in butter, sugar, and marshmellows. It hasn't ever tasted good to me, aside from stealing a burnt marshmellow or two. These are so simple to make and I could eat them three times a day, they are THAT good! I slice them up, toss them VERY lightly in olive or canola oil, and sprinkle them with a bunch of cinnamon. Then I bake 'em for about 30 minutes at 450*, turning at least once. They get a little burnt and crispy on the edges and it is seriously my new favorite food! Of course, my husband and I are the only ones in the house who will eat them. Neither of the kids will touch them! Give them those salty, greasy fast-food fries, and they'll gobble those right up. Ugh.

With fall approaching, I feel the need to bake. One of my all-time favorites has been my mom's apple crisp. The original recipe calls for about a cup of sugar, plus a bunch of butter and white flour. I LOVE the sugar/butter/flour combo but my waistline does not!! So I decided to try making my own version. I put a little olive oil in a pan and then added some whole wheat pastry flour until it got crumbly. Then I just started adding stuff. I added some agave--about a teaspoon or two, plus wheat germ, flax, and chopped walnuts. I cut up 6 granny smith apples and put them in my baking dish and sprinkled them with apple pie spice and drizzled a little honey over that. Then I put on my crumbly topping and baked it at 400* for an hour.

I served it with the sweet potato fries and some grilled chicken.

Unfortunately, the apple crisp just didn't measure up. It was good, but just not quite the same thing. It was only "take one" of many so I am confident that one of these days I'll either get it right or I will just get used to the clean version tasting a bit different. And it tasted much better the second day when it was a little cooler. I've always liked my apple dishes at room temp or cold, never hot. I'm weird ;)

I'm still super frustrated that my kids do not enjoy much of the clean dishes I've made for them. They prefer boxed macaroni and cheese and commercial chicken nuggets and hot dogs. While I don't know if they will ever completely stop getting these things, I still have hope that they will start to get a taste for the wholesome foods I make for them! They really love the banana bread and pancakes I make and surprisingly one of their favorite things are ww tortillas with my homemade clean-seasoned refried beans, cheese, and chicken. They love to snack on string cheese and fresh fruit like apples, pineapples, strawberries, and grapes. I think they'd rather have fruit than any other kind of snack, which is always a "proud-mommy" moment for me! And I think I've gotten Peter hooked on a big spoon of peanut butter for a mid-afternoon snack. So even if they haven't liked 90% of the things I've made for them lately, they ARE making some healthy decisions every single day. And I am definitely not finished trying out new recipes and improvising as I go, so I have hope that one day I will get Riley's "nommmm mmmm" seal of approval!

t-minus 26 days!!

Today was my first day of no cheating since...um, a while. I really was good today! I never felt deprived or hungry and I hope the rest of the month is just as good! I hope I didn't overdo the carbs, as usual, but I really did try to watch them! According to Dailyburn.com, I ate 1792 cals, 115.7 g protein, 58.7 g fat, and 206.7 g carbs. My nutrient ratio was 45:26:29 instead of 40:30:30. Close, but I will try to do better tomorrow!! I am proud that I didn't do any mindless snacking today which I can contribute to staying busy! Today just flew by for me. I think keeping my mind occupied is really going to be a key factor in my weight loss! Today I kept the downstairs of my house mostly picked up all day and I did some online window-shopping for fall and winter clothes for the kids. If I had an extra $300 laying around right now, they'd be the most styling kids in town!

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast- baked chicken breast with italian seasoning (leftover, cold straight from the fridge!)

snack- smoothie with whey, flax, spinach, rice milk, and golden fruit blend

lunch- 2 slices of ezekial, toasted with 1 tbsp all-nat pb and 1 tsp raspberry preserves

snack- 1 cup rice milk with 1 scoop chocolate whey, 1/2 apple with 1 tbsp pb

dinner- 6 of the crispy chicken bites (tosca recipe) and 1.5 sweet potatoes--cut up and very very lightly tossed in olive oil and sprinkled with lots of cinnamon. where I went wrong with my carbs! I sliced up 2 sweet potatoes into fries and I ate damn near the whole pan of them!! I didn't miss the sugar at all that I usually put on and I could have eaten another whole tray of them! gosh they are good!

Today's workout- p90x arms and shoulders with ab ripper x--probably my very favorite p90x workout!! I love doing arms and it was straight lifting today, no pushups or pullups! I was going to take my dog out for a run (I arranged for my mom to stop over every night this week so I could take the dog out since Pete is gone) but when my mom got here I had *just* taken my dinner out of the oven so I had to just do a brisk walk! We walked for 30 minutes, so I'm guessing around 2 miles. Not something I'd count as a workout but it was out and moving nonetheless!

Tomorrow I would like for my eating to be as good as today or better and I have yoga and as always my goal is to get through as much of it as possible--last time I did 45 min so maybe this time I can shoot for a whole hour! The yoga x workout is a crazy 90 minutes long!

Uh-Oh!

Friday night I went out without Pete or the kids to do something other than grocery shopping or going to a doctor's appointment for the first time...ever! Really! I do not get out much! lol I was in a hurry to get my kids and my house ready for my mother in law to come over to babysit and I ordered them a pizza and breadsticks. **smacks forehead** Of course my biggest weakness, over all other things, is pizza, and I had 3 pieces. Not horrible, but still. Then I made myself a yummy frozen mixed drink-- simply lemonade, bicardi razz, frozen raspberries, and of course lots of ice! It was sooo good and I took it with me to go play Bunco for the first time.

I was good at Bunco other than my big drink...there was spinach dip and alfredo dip and bread and crackers and some kind of oreo-pudding dessert and I can proudly say I did not try even one bite of any of that stuff! I had a good time playing even though my anxiety level was through the roof and I felt like the new kid in school. Of course, I was the night's big loser with only 2 wins and 14 losses! haha. I have never had good luck. I won a prize for being the biggest loser--a bottle of wine! I haven't opened it yet but I think I will keep it tucked away for my sister's wedding.

My husband and I got home about the same time on Friday night and I had a big surprise for him--no kids! My mother in law had decided to keep them at her house overnight so we had a kid-free night that started at midnight. We were both exhausted and there is zero midnight entertainment in this town besides the bar so we stayed up and talked and ate ice cream and slept in til 10:30 on Saturday morning! Needless to say, after my night of pizza and booze, I felt like CRAP when I woke up. Total crap. My eyes were burning from my allergies, too. The icing on the cake was that good ole Aunt Flo had also decided to show up that morning. Thank you mother nature!! F#*& you too! Oh- and I had a wedding shower to go to and I had my first fitting for my bridesmaids dress for my sister's wedding.

I had tried on a size 10 dress the last week of April and it fit me perfectly. I was of course hoping to be in a 6 or an 8 by September. ha. When they "officially" measured me in July they suggested I get a size 12 and I told them to shove it (not in those words of course hehe) and ordered the 10. Yesterday, I could not zip it up. I am really hoping it was just from the bloating--I weighed in at a whopping 169 yesterday!! gahhh! So I really do not have the time to go to the tailor's and get it altered and then go pick it up a different day. I just don't. Not to mention I don't want to spend any more money than I've already had to spend for this wedding--I think I have spent almost as much as I did on my own wedding! And I want to just have the satisfaction of knowing I am no size 12. Pffft.

I have always worked better under pressure and I'm hoping this time is no different! I was infamous (to myself at least) for writing all my college English papers with less than 3 hours to spare and still getting an A on every single one so if I can do that, I can lose some pesky poundage and extra inches to fit into this dress!! My gameplan is to cut down my starchy carbs by a LOT--once a day, and eat more veggies and proteins and even start cutting down on my fruit. I know my problem isn't with my workouts which have been good and consistent so I will just keep up with those. I am really hoping this works! Wish me luck!

ABSolutely fABulous

Week 1 photo. The first of many weeks to come! (excuse my dirty mirror and redneck workout room!) ps- for those who have less-than-perfect tummies, ie. stretch marks--I recommend the cell phone pic! Less detail=good thing. I wish my abs looked so nice up-close and personal ;)


Okay, let's face it...it is all about the abs. I can track my progress all I want and weigh and measure until I am blue in the face but until I lose this muffin-top and get the rock-hard abs I want, I will not be finished with my weight-loss journey. Can you see my little 4-pack in my upper abs?!?! Is it just me or IS IT THERE?!

One day, these darn lower abs WILL match the upper abs! I will be combating this with my clean eating and adding some more intense cardio--running intervals for now!

So today is the big day. Time to see if I have lost anything! Drumroll please...

Today's weight-- 166. psssssshhhhhhtttt. Oddly enough, I am not discouraged by this. I have come up with a number of possible scenarios for this bizzare number.

#1- my weight last week was not accurate. Highly possible on this scale. I got a different number depending on where I put it in my house but 166 was the most occuring number today. Or this week's number is wrong.

#2- I have a muscle gain

#3- I am still retaining water from Wednesday's salty pizza and am still bloated from this week's pinto bean kick.

#4- I really did gain 2 lbs from my poor eating.

All are possible explanations. I also measured today. Here is a side-by-side comparison of today vs July 13 vs June 1 2009 (I cannot find my complete list of measurements from 09 but you can really see how much I've lost since last year!)

Today/ July 13/June 1(last year)

weight- 166 165 180

bust- 36 37 x

chest- 32 33 36

waist- 30 31 39

tummy- 37 38.5 x

hips- 39 40 47

thighs- 23 24.5 25

arms- 11 12 x

I may not have lost any weight (or maybe I did...who knows!) but I have been steadily losing inches which is what counts!! I'm not sure what a good measurement for my lower abs would be. I'm shooting for 34 or less by my birthday on October 26. I saw on the news last night that the average American woman's waistline is 37 inches!! WOW! We have a major problem in this country! I'm really not surprised.

I started off today with my usual coffee and a smoothie. Today's fruit was Schwan's golden fruit blend. It's my all-time favorite kind of smoothie. Like a big ole glass of summer!

Lunch will be a chicken/lettuce/honey mustard/cheese wrap and some apple slices with peanut butter. I'll have another smoothie for a snack and dinner will be more spaghetti! I'll be getting my drink on later tonight--one glass worth since I'm a lightweight! I am thinking Bicardi Razz with some lemonade and frozen raspberries and ice all blended up! One drink once a month can't be too bad, right?!?!

Today's workout was a 5-mile run. I was hoping to finally break my distance barrier of 8 miles but 2 miles into my run I knew it wasn't going to happen today! I had to stop after mile 2 for a walking water break and then again after mile 3 and I started to run again and ran about half of mile 4 when I had to stop--OMG those damn pinto beans have me running to the bathroom 6x a day!!! I had to walk and squeeze!! hahahaha The feeling finally passed and I decided mile 5 should be intervals...2 minutes hard, 1 minute easy. I made it 90 seconds into the first one and I felt like I was gonna die!! I don't know what is wrong with me today--I should have no problems running 5 miles on a nice day without the stroller. I'll just chalk it up as an off day and hope for a better run next time on Sunday! Right after my run, I grabbed some more water and a chocolate-coconut larabar for some much-needed fuel and then did p90x arms and back with ab ripper x. Made it through that just fine and I could even notice a difference in my strength!!! I was cranking out the pushups like I've never done before aaaannnnndddd I can finally do the military-style ones!! I still have to be on my knees for those kind (all toes for the other kinds!) but I never even had the strength before to go all the way down and come back up and today I could!!! BIG milestone for me! I wasn't able to do the diamond pushups or the dive-bombers--I am still having some kind of issue with my hip flexor (I think that is what is hurting, anyway) on my left side. It bugs the CRAP out of me while I'm running and I can't do any wide-leg pushups or exercises because it hurts so bad!! I hope with time it will stop hurting! I tried to exaggerate my stride today to fully stretch out my legs and I think that helped me get through my run. Oh and I weighed again after my workouts and subsequent trips to the bathroom and I was at 164. So maybe by tonight I'll hit 162! LOL

Tomorrow will be plyo so I will take the day off from running unless I feel really really good tomorrow night! I have another wedding shower, this one at a really yummy Italian restaurant....hello starchy carb city! I just want to get through the day and not hate myself. I won't beat myself up but I want to come with a full stomach and healthy snack in-hand and have plenty of water to drink! I'll keep it simple since tomorrow is Saturday :)

and one last look at this tummy....GOOD BYE!!!!

p90x week 1: completed!

After a much-needed reality check I think I have my head and my heart in the right place again. I'm not sure why I get in such low funks sometimes and why I am so hard on myself! I am so anxious about tomorrow's weigh-in! I know I've done a good job with my workouts this week but my eating is still not where it needs to be--but I hope it is enough to see a change on the scale! Besides the two times I have had pizza, my other food has been good and clean.

Today's breakfast was a smoothie with strawberry and peaches as my fruits. I had a slice of fresh out of the oven, warm banana bread (clean recipe!) for my midmorning snack. And some fresh pineapple--I finally cut my first pineapple and it was so easy with my new sharp knive (thanks mom!) and just soo delicious and refreshing! Lunch was 2 ww tortillas spread thick with refried beans, 1/2 chicken breast (1/4 each tortilla), and cheese. Very yummy and filling! I made the kids cheese pizzas on ww english muffins and the boys even asked for seconds. I would like to start phasing my kids to eating as clean as I do!

I ate a late lunch so I wasn't very hungry for an afternoon snack but I had cut up two apples for the boys with some peanut butter so I had two slices with pb also. Dinner was Ronzoni Healthy Harvest pasta with spaghetti sauce and it really hit the spot! Today is my rest day and my body really appreciates that!

Tomorrow I will update with my weigh-in and hopefully get some running done besides my p90x! And it WILL be a good eating day!@

Life takes over

Sometimes I feel like I am destined to be fat forever. I will do so well and then I will just impulsively do the most stupid things! I have done pretty well so far with my endeavor and maybe it is just my inner pessimist but I feel like I am not doing enough and I won't see any pounds or inches lost this Friday when I weigh and measure next. And it's only Wednesday! I don't know why I have these feelings. I have been overweight ever since I can remember and I guess I still think like a fat girl. It's a huge challenge for me to look at my body and be happy. I do realize now that I am at least on the high (or very high) range for a "normal weight" person and while that is a big step for me, all I can see is flaws. I don't think I am being too hard on myself or unrealistic. I am working harder than I've ever worked in my whole life to eat healthy and I've never pushed myself further during exercise but I know I can still do better. I want to run a marathon. I want to do 10 pullups without breaking a sweat. I want to have amazing legs and arms and abs. Can I get there on my current path?? I don't know. And the thought of what I have to do to get there can be overwhelming at times and when I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down and make stupid, rash, impulsive decisions.

Like today. I noticed Riley wasn't her normal, cheery, happiest-girl-in-the-world usual self this afternoon. She felt really hot last night (she ends up in our bed with us at least 4 nights a week) but she was perfectly happy all morning and played at the park with her normal enthusiasm. After lunch, we were outside enjoying the perfect weather and she was unusually clingy, and then she threw up all over. Poor thing. She went down for a second nap--also very rare for her--and when I got her up at 5:30 she still wasn't feeling well. I blew off kenpo today because I had decided I'd rather take the kids out for a run tonight and enjoy the weather while building up my running endurance some more. I don't feel comfortable doing that now...sick kid + bouncy stroller= disaster! So I may end up doing kenpo after all tonight.

But back to my stupidity...I didn't plan anything for dinner because we were outside all day. And for some reason Riley being sick was also my excuse not to do any cooking. Which makes no sense. I went to the local grocery store (read: SMALLEST store you've ever seen--I've been in bigger gas stations than our grocery store) and saw the Coke in the cooler and instantly craved it and I put a 2 liter of it in my cart! I KNEW it was stupid and bad for me! And then I got some frozen pizza for dinner. I want to hang my head in shame. Being prepared seems to be my biggest weakness.

I feel like my life has been so stressful and chaotic that I haven't been able to fully focus or concentrate on anything for at least five years. I feel so unorganized and un-scheduled and it really interferes with all aspects of my life! Especially when it comes to taking care of myself. Sometimes I just want to pick the easiest way out like I did today and it's those kinds of choices that I make that really make me wonder if I'll ever be able to finally lose this weight.